What is it about your feeling at all?
Then, what about mine?
Do you really ever thinking about me?
******************************************************************
Moon is shattered in a piece. It's torn apart. As like in my dream.
Then you are there.... blaming me, from not saving you....
.....from sins.....
....of killing me....
******************************************************************
Phone call has wake me up. The last time I remembered was father's call. He was in hurry, saying something about brother and some kind of accident. I don't hear him clearly, so I think it wouldn't be a problem without my presence after all.
But, thought only can be just a thought.
That mornig, when the phone call waken me up, it brings the very bad news.
Brother has been murdered.
The one who killed him, is my lover.
My ex-lover, actually....
*******************************************************************
I couldn't think anything in an instant time. But something just appeared in my head without me thinking it about.
Some thing that has to be my misery, my sadness.
It's the dark side of my life story.
It's my sins.
***************
I met him in front the church. 7 years ago, when the road has been full covered by the snow.
And the blood.
That red liquid been pouring out from a man's body. A man that stood right in front of him.
When the poor man body fell down, our eyes met.
That cold and deep black eyes has drown me away, and I felt like been prisoned above his gun in the hands.
Then everything was in slow motion.
He grabbed my hand. I tried to struggled and screamed or whatever just to made some sounds.
But he wouldn't let me.
Yet he wouldn't.
That's why our first kiss was happened in this very unforgetable moment.
..........and I started falling in love with him.
******************************************************************
"You are crazy liitle nuts!!!"
That was the first comment that came out from my brother, after we dating out about almost 3 years.
I didn't really care what he has complained about the man's I love.
Really, I don't have to care about it, after right now.
"You know he is killing people, and you still be with him??? Are you really crazy?"
"It's my own problems."
"You bringing our family's name and you said it's your own problems??"
"Since when you care about me? Since when you started notice me? Tell you, you don't even seeing me like a family members."
"He'll kill you some day."
"That's my wish. And I happy to die after his hand."
That's the end of debate. The end of conclusion.
Also, the end of my bondage from my own brother.....
Beacuse the last thing I can ever remember, I saw him, laid in the road outside the church, covered with show white and red blood.....
But he isn't there.....
My ex-lover....
******************************************************************
He became my ex because a couple hours before I received the last call from father, I broke him up.
We don't have any debate, or lover's quarrel.
No, we don't ever have a thing to discuss about.
We met because we want to seeing each other, or I can said that only about some coincidence.
I don't know how he can be right there, or why I should be right in the time and the place of the crime he made.
Like he want all the time, for me, to sharing his sins.
After I get used to this coincidence, we began to have a new kind of relationship.
He started touching me, my body, with his barely cold hand.
And then leave a kiss mark, so I couldn't forget his being.
Also like this continuesly.....
Day repeat day, week by week, month to month....
When it came years, we connected.
By blood, in soul, from body to body.....
And I hardly said, 'I love you'
******************************************************************
My head spinning.
The red moon seems not real to me.
It shattering again.
Like my dreams. My every dream that I have when I slept over his arm.
******************************************************************
"You are not going to betray me, aren't you?"
I don't know it's an asking or an question, so I just stay calm. Look into his eyes, and try to push a smile, but I can't.
Can't, with a knife that in my neck.
Am I afraid?
No.
Am I sad?
No.
Am I happy?
No.
So what I feel right now?
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
My mind isn't blank. It full of our memories.
My beloved....
"Why you leave me?", he asked, but I just only try to keep breathing.
"Why you have to leave me alone?"
Did I ever do that?
Did I ever leave him?
"Why you never understand my feeling?"
What is it about your feeling at all?
Then, what about mine?
Do you really ever thinking about me?
"I always think how about to make you be mine. You know I always love you. You know I do.
I did everything just to make you noticed me. I did every that thing, just to make you feel happy.
Can you feel my love?"
Can I tell the truth? That your love, is killing me right now?
******************************************************************
Moon is tearing apart from my eys.
I see blood ruins over the place.
And then I lose my balance, right into your arms.
You holding me, and blaming me.
Why I didn't stoped you from the killing?
Why I didn't saved you from the sins?
******************************************************************
"I love you..... so I wanna share the same thing with you... Even it's about share the same sins....It's okay....
cause I loved you, and it always be....."
- THE ENDLESS NIGHT -
S. Aoi
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